I've left some reckless messages and sifted through more texts than a quiet suicidal depressive should have read on an icy friday night. It's kind of like five below outside and i've barely even managed to disclose to you a cold debt that was only ever meant for my eyes to see, or for my mind to read. The kind that seems like it's for my life to be.
A black guy who's actually mixed but can nay say it maybe because this point in time is one that's slightly after the days of slavery where the one drop rule dictated whether you'd lie in a pool of blood for laying with a maiden of a "greater" race or lay on a blanket in the midday haze placing the whip on your great-great-grandfather's other great-great-grandkids. My mother's not white but she looks either latina or amerindian, and granted, even if i made the time to explain this, it's like i might as well have scathed the bittersweet layers of obsidian off my distant kin's withered skin. I'm sorry, i never meant to dig the splinters even deeper in...
I've never admitted this, but the real reason i took flight is because i'd rather be the one leaving than to have seen my ex pleading with me to not make a scene when she decided to beat it. And i hope she's forgiven me for my misgivings and misplaced traces of anticipation; our relationship was never wasted, and i especially miss those lazy days laying in bed gaping at netflix til the grey grazes that lie above us dissipated...
But anyway, i'd rather the evil chatter be blatantly racist than concealed by tongue-biting snidely-speaking lies of people. The latter tend to have me out of my mind finding bytes and bits of invisible lines that make me slowly die inside. If you're gonna hate me, do it in plain daylight; i've never been alright with trite mind games.
And for threatening to end my life, i immensely apologize. Race and gender and rendered separations aside, i might surmise that it's stifling how much i really love you guys...