her

i wish i could tell her that i was in love with her before she told me she loved me...

...how much i cherished the time we spent laying in bed all day during that rainstorm...

...how much fun i had that day we went on an escape and fooled around at the lake...

i wish she could understand why i was slowly losing myself in her and how hard it was to let her go...

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i wish i could thank her for overlooking my misbehavior and asking me to help her teach the class, since she could tell i was bored from having finished the work early...

...and thank her for pushing me when i didn't know how to push myself...

...understood why she contacted my parents when she saw how disorganized i was and how i had been slacking...

and oh, i wish i hadn't helped contribute to her frustration and watch her storm out of the classroom from a bout of overwhelming helplessness...

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i wish i could have been there to stop her ex from raping her...

...and her ex from raping her, too...

and her friend from raping her as well...

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i wish i had told her how much i appreciate her all those times she cooked for me, cleaned up after me and tucked me in at night...

...i'd done a few more chores just to give her a break...

...got up and offered to cook and clean up when i saw how tired she was from a long day at work...

i wish i could apologize for those agonizing words i spoke to her and didn't have to watch her eyes tear up in subtle despair...

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i wish i could apologize for every time i heard someone call her a "bitch"...

i wish i'd tell her to stop referring to herself as such...

i wish she hadn't walked away disconcerted after he drove up beside her in his car, stared at her like a piece of meat, and drove off when she declined his offer to hop into his car and let him drive her somewhere, yelling "bitch, well fuck you then!"