i exist, but only in a mirror

"c'mon, you are NOT crazy. i saw some of those other people in there... really? you really think you're like any of them? let's be honest... really?!"

right before that short visit, my mind was traveling a mile a minute and stopped promptly at the hospital. i'd arrived at a peculiar affection for her, despite the fact that she was many years my senior - but that didn't matter; her voice propagated a sort of mysterious, yet inviting, youthfulness that seemed to transcend her physique. the silk that draped her weathered frame coupled with her soothing tone thoroughly shattered the glass barriers that indicated rigid boundaries my mind worked long enough to create. she was erratic; ecstatic at times but when her demeanor declined it was tragic. i sneaked a peak at the sheet lying on the desk and how i managed to do so i guess was somewhat impressive; i'd gotten a real glimpse at what they call a manic-depressive...

ah, and then there was her, she was a neat one. she spoke with a speed that kept her condition quite sheathed and discreet. quick and swift, our conversations would drift about and come full circle, reminding me of where it was i forgot we started out. she seemed rather shocked when i told her my plan to clock out early and, furthermore, retorted that there was no reason to hurry. that i was keen and rather practical, tall, smart and attractive; that i ought not to detach from this world just yet and that i still had much more fight in me left. she saw no reason for my weaned self-esteem and truly believed i was incredible in every way - and the unforgettable part was that i'd only known her for a day...

one day...
a day was short enough to disrupt this downward cascade barely displayed on the vacant spaces of my face

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mere days prior, his mind's diary recited how liquor filled the vague places where life was abated:

here's to number five: for the guy who can't decide whether to live or to die;
and yet again, number seven: for the gentleman who's spent quite some time trying to buy his way into heaven;
finally, to number twelve: for that part of himself who's already ungrounded a few encounters with the depths of hell...