horizon

this jealousy is hella crippling, especially when directed at a lover so special
evermore rendering, loading, like a slow modem with no stronghold
hard to realize, like trying to build a skyhigh totem pole
signifying my mind on its imminent decline

i'm mulling over old memories, searching for a surface to punch a hole in
coming up for air, like i'm deep diving with no scuba gear
so much pressure in between my ears
tell me, exactly how the fuck did i get down here???

can i overthrow this boulder perched on my shoulders
before i fall head over heels yet again, taking a bold nosedive?
i've got these Bose headphones on my dome as i type this
but these letters can't convey the plethora of words resonating in my brain
am i sentenced to an eternity of shame?
am i stuck paraphrasing paragraphs of the shit i really wanna say
earning the superlative of being the one most likely to blame?
is this supernova pending, waiting for an explosion to show its face?

it's only a matter of time, and the space between my temples pulsates as i pray
i pray i never slip up and let her know
i pray i can make my brainwaves propagate slower
i pray she won't grow to resent me, though it seems inevitable
while wading in this resounding, reverberating, vibrating pain

_______


growing pains, "pain" in bold, allowing enough strength to hold open the gateway
while waiting for a transformation
translating information, escalating from electrical impulses to impulsive exclamations
and i know old habits die hard but when they do they beget brand new habitats
though for now i'm cohabitating with a debilitating pain that shows no sign of lowering
posing for a photo, smiles abound
while thoughts roll out of bounds like a foul

_______


but i know my triumph is predicated, dormant until it starts budding like a sunrise rising on the horizon...