something i might have written as an adolescent...
i sort of take pride in my ability to express self-pity. i make sure i beat everyone else to the punch. yea, i know most likely you don't understand, but it's a conditioned defense mechanism. i can do it quicker than a boxer throwing a jab, more cunningly than a left hook, and more forceful than a haymaker.
but on my better days, i'm defensive; i'm confident, rigid, and immovable. i have a "fuck you" mentality that isn't compromised by petty accusations and personal attacks. and i admire that me. i want to be that me all the time. he's sort of like the big brother i wish i had...
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how many of you have seen fight club? well, i still remain skeptical about the validity of dissociative personality disorder, but i guess i can identify with the main character to some degree -- or main characters, rather. but the difference between the narrator and myself is that i was never surprised to find out that i had another side; his creation was intentional.
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yes i'm fucked up, but who isn't? you can't sit here and tell me with a straight face that you've never looked at the guy staring you back in the mirror with that smug expression, wanting nothing more than to beat the living shit out of him. or maybe to have him beat the living shit out of you.
ha. i'm beginning to believe more and more that my life is a dark, surreal comedy whose punchline i'll never get...
your posts are too good
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