fragile

if only she would have yelled at me for being too tired;
gotten pissed that i was constantly late for things;
snapped at me for chastising my self-image;
became irate that i didn't cook more;
if only she hated me for how much i daydreamed;

if only she withdrew from me when my room looked like shit;
got fed up with me not giving her more gifts;
shoved me away when i gave her one-too-many hugs;
got annoyed at me for talking about sci-fi and romance movies too much;
if only she had called me a pussy;

if only she accused me of lying when i told her i was sexually assaulted;
was condescending to my friends;
disliked my family;
got tired of seeing my face at sunrise every morning;
if only she called me an idiot for my occasional mental lapses;

if only i complained about shit too much;
yelled at her when it was uncalled for;
just downright ignored her;
failed to become so damn entranced by her smile;
if only i didn't adore our reflection in the mirror whenever we embraced;

-------

i can still feel cupid's arrow ripping my flesh as it's slowly being removed -- but secretly i hope part of it breaks off and stays hidden, nestled in the crevice of my chest until i'm laid to rest...