thrive (unedited)

there's an internal struggle
a massive tug of war and i'm at the from lines of battle
even though i'm a lover
rebuttals seem irrelevant, asking questions seems irreverent
straight up blasphemy

i know i'm a whack ass nigga
a dude who's not in on the latest fashions
and i don't just mean clothing
go ahead and cringe when you see me miss a fastball at the bottom of the last inning
3 balls, 2 strikes
no, i'm not cool --
but it's cool

and fuck the 27 club
i'm opting not to join
and that's my final decision
i got close a few times over this past year
fears lurking above the surface
gone through a breakup and a hold up within a month of each other
27 days
but it's all love

at the end of the day my blood is still red
and my skin lets the sun seep in
the result is still a heart beating, nestled within a beautiful coat of melanin

in many different ways
change
is inevitable
it's The Universe's only constant
it's only desire
ardently so

have you even heard of what mental illnesses i suffer from?
uttering the word bipolar might as well be a stutter
ptsd, a bitch
anxiety, a precipitator of soul-deep itches
ocd leaves me riddled with tics
but all this shit doesn't define me
i defy it

despite all this, i survive
this nigga right here will thrive